Loss

In a glow and even upon
sits the desire of thee.
From the source it is grown
in pawn is the key.
 
Conscious of your need,
beneath and deep down,
to your demand you pay heed,
but in loss you drown.

Ferry

Since two years, day by day
I am living in the grey.
 
I life on a ship, it’s more like a ferry.
From one coast where you want to marry,
 
but back on the opposite shore,
you don’t want me anymore.
 
So I am sitting in a boat,
over open water I float.
 
Looking over the railing,
waiting where I am sailing.
 
Depending on the wind and the drift,
to see on which coast we will shift.
 
On the right bank I want to strand.
To turn around the ship – to wend,
 
with my bear hands I paddle and row,
to give direction, where I wanna go.
 
On the right cost I want to settle the ferry,
the right one, the one where we marry.
 
But if the drift is wrong,
if it’s too strong,
the ship will just swim along.

Words

Silence. I don’t sleep,
not really, not deep,
Silence wakes me up, not only me
but also the question I have for thee.
 
While the morning penetrates the night,
sunbeams cast shadows as best they might,
Unbound and in between I sway.
I want to ask you, ask you today .
 
Flows of words carry away
everyday’s life in that I stay.
Your voice slightly quiet I hear,
nothing will ever replace it my dear.
 
Merely the vibrations of my own voice I miss,
When I am saying the words, the words of bliss.
Diffidently I may plead,
but my word is my bond – indeed!
 
As my sign of deepest honesty I shall bring
pure words and a golden ring.
Enchanted your eyes may sparkle and blink.
Eventually – in my arms you sink.

Cactus

The night before the accident I walked past that flower shop where I saw the cactus. I stopped looked at it and kept on walking.

Then things were going through my mind.
Its such a small and lovely plant and it’s strong and robust at the same time.
It’s so tiny and fragile as well as tough and can live in poor soil.
It’s looks cute and soft and it has stings to fight.
If you want to stroke it it would stab you.
It’s untouchable of a kind through it’s thistly shell but beneath there is a soft core.

So I thought it’s like you. Then I stopped went back and bought it for you.

Sandy beach

You step on it and you feel it first on your sole and than between your toes. It’s warmed up by the sun and the smooth texture covers your feet. With every step you sink in and it’s so pleasant to walk on it’s soft surface.

You need to keep it at a steady pace. Don’t speed up too fast or even try to run. Then it will force you to your utmost and you run the risk that all your power will diminish rapidly.

Combined with gusty winds it can hurt you badly. It will reduce you to tears when it gets in your eyes.

If you want to dig a hole jump in it and entrench yourself you ought to be seriously prudent. It can lead to a state where you reach impasse. It can grab you and never let you go. And then you wont be able to escape.

Only too well you shall enjoy it by nestle down and huddle against it. You shall immerse in it, it’s exceedingly cosy and makes you feel most comfy. You feel truly sheltered when being coated all around with it.

It’s like glued on you. You can wipe and rub as much as you want. You can’t get rid of it.

On the contrary, you are also unable to retain it.

Dig in it with your hand deep down and try to grab and hold it. You can’t. As hard as you try. As many attempts as you make. It’s unfeasible. It’s a losing game, unwinnable.

Because it just keeps slipping through your fingers again and again.

Yes, sure, you could shove it in a bucket and put a lid on it. Then, at that state, you won’t be able to enjoy it anymore, locked, cold …

It only gives you pleasure and happiness there where it belongs to. At the right time, at the right place, with the right person!

Being in love with you is like a sandy beach.

Number five

It was in China at a time,
in the evening at about 9’.
 
I left Jinling
to hear you sing,
 
after a day of frustration,
“Das Schiff” was the destination.
 
There it turned, the page,
when I saw you an stage,
 
shiny and bright.
After that night,
 
everything was alright.
Love at first sight!
 
Ignorant –
how it will end.
 
What I will go through,
by loving you.
 
Unaware –
about the following fare.
 
The day we met,
I will never regret,
 
18th of December,
I’ll always remember.
 
You were late,
on our first date.
 
Why me? You asked me shy.
With a poem I did reply.
 
You were mine.
Cloud number nine!
 
A new chapter – a new begin,
The happiest man I have been!
 
… it did not last.
Ended fast!
 
Remember the day.
you went away,
 
when the famous word:
“We have to talk” I heard.
 
Neither a reason nor a why –
just “good bye”.
 
You changed your mind,
no reason assigned.
 
Break up number one. Cold and numb.
It ended before it begun.
 
I thought I did catch,
what I call a perfect match.
 
Joint possessions we found
on common ground:
 
restaurants and bars,
flat and fast cars,
 
in the kitchen to cook,
read a good book,
 
Roquefort and Brie
– is for you as well as for me –
 
– if Merlot is the wine –
simply divine.
 
Only Chateauneuf du pape,
could grade it up!
 
Classic, jazz and blues,
gemstones and shoes.
 
But only my heart you snatch,
Enduring a patch.
 
Break up! – the first,
didn’t know its getting worst.
 
Escaped – came back,
got another smack.
 
A msg I get,
that you regret,
 
the desire is grown,
you want to be alone,
 
it’s the end,
you’ll be my friend.
 
Break up number two?
I did not have a clue,
 
as of whether,
we’ve been together?
 
Or not?
Or why, or what?
 
A girl I met,
that lost a bet,
 
on the cheak a kiss,
wasn’t bliss,
 
absolutely meaningless,
but gave you lots of stress.
 
Although you did the same,
Me – I took the blame.
 
Very odd,
you txt me a lot,
 
It was a test you mailed,
telling me: I failed!
 
Break up number three,
was too much for me,
 
On that occasion,
we had no relation.
 
Maybe revenge, don’t know why,
you choose an American guy.
 
So I let go.
Than your love went to Mexico,
 
in between,
or within,
 
than, holy shit,
the italien kid!
 
I almost lost the street,
beneath my feet.
 
Than – exactly,
in my face directly,
 
after work, it was late,
at Ellens dinner we ate,
 
over salad and greens,
you spilled the beans,
 
you did admit:
you don’t like the kid,
 
and it’s not to late,
asked me to wait,
 
until you are free –
than you’ll be with me.
 
I swallowed the bait,
believing in fate,
 
seven weeks or eight,
I was willing to wait.
 
Time went past,
was over at last.
 
Then gently I mentioned “us”,
but you made a big fuss.
 
After 8 weeks of hope,
you simply said “nope”!
 
You let me down,
I felt like a clown,
 
like a puppet on the string,
in my heart you stabbed a sting.
 
Break up number 4 it would have been.
Why you are so mean?
 
Wanted to beg…
But broke my leg!
 
From the bad to the worse,
felt like hit from a horse,
 
in every kind.
Justicia is blind!
 
In every manner,
I wanted to surrender.
 
What happens to me?
Is it desteny?
 
Could not restrain,
with crutches and pain,
 
I came back to China.
Your interest was minor.
 
What a stupid move!
Again you proof,
 
party is more fun,
than a business to run,
 
and meeting friends of some sort.
Me – being ignored.
 
On your bday I saw the truth,
to admit you refuse.
 
He is just a friend.
Bullshit at the end.
 
But you said forget the past,
we will – at last,
 
end up together,
that’s the point of the matter.
 
But not yet,
you are not set.
 
So I went home,
sad and alone.
 
Then day after day,
insane in a way,
 
you txt me,
you miss me,
you love me,
you need me,
you want to be
with me,
you and me,
with joy and glee,
at elysium we’ll be.
 
On cloud nine again I float,
when the poem you wrote.
 
For me you would wait.
I took it again the bait.
 
Innocent –
to the Philippines I went.
 
3 weeks in vain,
nothing I could gain.
 
Unbearable the pain.
you broke up again.
 
From the happiest man alive –
down to break up number five!
 
At the end of my wit,
I guess it’s the end of it.
 
I cannot believe
that you are a thief.
 
Steeling my heart,
tear it apart,
 
and step on it,
with your feet!
 
From now on, as a matter of fact,
there is absolutely nothing I shall expect!

Elysium

If you don’t know the reason plum,
why did you come,
to Elysium –
we will give you one!
 
If you’re ill or sick,
a Single Malt would do the trick.
 
From yesterday you still not sober,
kind of hanging over,
 
take your time don’t hurry,
have a Virgin Bloody Mary.
 
Is bothering you a query,
order simply a Daiquiri.
 
If your girlfriend made your day,
because she ran away,
 
another one she’s choosen.
Drink a Margarita – frozen.
 
If, for you, it comes in handy,
Have a glass of Brandy.
 
Your boss is such a sod,
Just take a double shot.
 
What a fucking day indeed,
desperate a drink you need,
 
don’t wait, don’t hesitate,
a special drink – we will create.
 
Not feeling well in your tum-
if you are missing some‘-
trouble with your mum-
you add it up to a total sum-
surrounded by too many scum-
before insane you become-
sit on your bum,
have a rum,
at Elysium!

As sure as eggs is eggs

The sun is bright,
dark is the night,
 
a young pigeon is a dove,
red is the colour of love,
 
hairless is bald,
ice is cold,
 
you walk on your feet,
sugar is sweet,
 
the wind blows,
water flows,
 
the sky is blue,
sticky is glue,
 
snow is white,
left is the opposite of right,
 
cherries are red,
when you die you are dead,
 
water is wet,
a tiger is a cat,
 
fire is hot.
Oh, I almost forgot,
 
a lemon is sour,
so was „us“ and „our“!
 
All of this is true,
like the picture I drew.
 
So sure was I,
that I would be thy.
 
But as cold as a fridge,
is life – that bitch!
 

3 weeks

Flight was long,
desire strong,
 
to come, to see,
being with thee.
 
A poem in mind!
Wrong of a kind!
 
Nothing on,
3 weeks long,
 
deeply bored,
thoroughly ignored,
 
watching a gate,
morning to late.
 
A chair is my base,
down my face.
 
The country to see,
not meant to be.
 
Did not discover,
sitting and suffer.
 
Elysium a miss?
Or is it bliss?
 
Is it a plague?
Very vague!
 
At a glance:
no romance
and business by chance.
 
Uncertainty I perceive.
Empty handed I leave.
 

Four times

She says it was love,
but not once, not twice,
she around me shove,
like throwing a dice.
 
Broke up with me again.
Switches her feelings on and off.
The third time I was feeling the pain,
once more I was feeling the scoff.
 
Then a poem she wrote,
dry and lace was my throat.
There is proof of love in this quote,
by myself I thought.
 
We were about to change our live,
over and above.
It gave me such a strive
when she talked about love!
 
I was utterly beguiled,
although my appeal was mute,
to bring up her child,
her daughter so cute.
 
Our kingdom,
a business to construct,
our elysium,
we wanted to conduct!
 
Than again, a sudden turn.
Break up number four!
Emotions painful and sore,
have shaken me down to the core.
 
In a relation a must,
is what she does not own,
is the issue of trust,
but doubt is grown.
 
This is what caused her grief.
Difficult to comprehend,
but disappointment I believe,
is where she descent.
 
Why her heart is broken,
Why her love has wend,
remain unspoken,
at the bitter end.
 
Boundless I would bow and beyond,
to her love, unconditionally I would bend,
to gain her love, to anew the bond!
… some broken hearts never mend.
 
Can one man have so much bad luck? – What the fuck!